What
follows is a series of recollections and impressions of the first official
screening of HELLBOY in Britain, at the famous FrightFest Festival.
I was lucky enough to be there, and these reports were originally written
for my colleagues on the official movie message board - the world-famous HELLSITE.
I have posted the reports here for those of you who can't access the site,
so I hope you enjoy them. For me, it was the experience of a lifetime.
To
Matthew Watson of London's FORBIDDEN PLANET store, who made us so very welcome.
To
Anna Whelans of Columbia Tristar, who was a complete gem, great company,
and very, VERY generous and kind. Thanks for all the info, Anna!
To
Pat Paone, Val Abbott and son Adam, and last but by no means least, Nick.
Such wonderful and hysterical company - and thanks, Nick, for introducing
us to the works of Lord Dunsany. Astounding.
And
finally, to the nicest, cuddliest and totally funky film director in the world,
Mister Guillermo del Toro. When you've read the reports, you'll see why we
love him so much. He's just so disgracefully adorable.
Helen
'Hellmistress' Chavez
Aberdeenshire,
Scotland, September 2004
Friday,
August 27th, 2004.
Flew
down to London and checked into a very spartan but very nice little hotel
in King's Cross, and met up with Pat in the afternoon. The weather - hot and
very humid.
Guillermo
del Toro (GdT) was signing at Forbidden Planet at 6pm - Pat and I were a tad
late due to (ahem) getting a wee bitty lost on the underground ...
a hot and breathless Pat and one very hot, sweaty and bright red Hellmistress
(Yours Truly) stumbled into Forbidden Planet gasping for water like a man
in a desert. 'Ice Cold in Alex' had nothing on us, I can tell you.
We
were late - but it didn't matter, because who should come up the stairs from
the book section but GdT himself, who spotted us and promptly hugged what
was left of the breath out of us. "You look very hot!" he grinned,
and all I could do was wheeze. The signing was about to start, so he gave
us an even wider grin and said "Let's go for dinner after the signing!"
Gobsmacked,
we just nodded dumbly and let the maestro get on with the job in hand. There
was quite a queue! Anyway, we wandered off and looked at the costumes the
store had on display, which were terrific, especially Rasputin's BEAUTIFUL
gown. Gasp!! And then a wee wander around the books was followed by a young
man approaching me and saying '"Excuse me - are you Helen?"
Now,
I'm not accustomed to being approached by young men, and this one was delightful
- nice and polite, and very respectful. It turned out he was Matthew Watson,
manager of this 'ere joint, and we had been corresponding before the event
after he asked me how tall Ron was (For the mannequin, he told me). Then we
met Anna, a gorgeous lady from Columbia Tristar, who was very keen to keep
us informed of all that was happening here in the UK to promote Hellboy.
More on that later.
We
chatted until I was approached by yet another charming young man
(it was certainly my day!). This one turned out to be Nick (Pegana), who had
started this whole daft adventure off in the first place, and we spent a happy
hour or so waiting for GdT to finish with the signing (and he was having a
whale of a time, from what we could see!). At long last the final happy punter
exited the building gibbering cheerily, and Guillermo joined us.
"You
guys hungry? Yeah? So let's go! I think the restaurant's around the corner!"
And
so we all (Pat, Nick, Anna, a young Spanish director Jaime Alonso de Linaje
and myself) trooped dutifully out of the door onto a sunny Shaftesbury Avenue,
followed by famous Mexican director Guillermo del Toro carrying a Hellboy
bust (I think) in a box on one shoulder.
We
tootled along the pavement followed by a few stares (either because they knew
who GdT was or they thought we were the Weird Bunch) and hit the restaurant.
We waited as Anna went to find out about our table, and GdT looked around.
The decision was made.
"Too
noisy! We can't talk! Let's go across the road!"
Our
little 'crocodile' turned around and trooped across the road to a really gorgeous
little Chinese restaurant where they quickly found us a table and we parked
ourselves.
Jaime
couldn't stay and eat as he had to return to the cinema and prepare for his
film, The Hermit's Lair, a 10 minute short, to be shown on the Sunday.
But we talked to him for a while about his film, and it was obvious he was
a HUGE admirer of Guillermo's. GdT was going to be at the screenings all day
Sunday, so I hope Jaime's film was well-received.
Anna
managed to keep company with us for quite a while, which was a real treat,
and right now I must say thank you to Columbia Tristar for being such sweethearts
to us. Anna was an absolute gem.
So,
food was ordered, including lots of fried seaweed (GdT - "I f****** LOVE
this stuff!"), sharksfin soup and some absolutely delicious mango chicken.
I can't remember what everyone else ordered. The whole thing was so surreal
that my brain seized up.
Right
- that's it until I get the next bit in some sort of order.
Check
in soon for the next exciting installment, when we talk about Lord Dunsany,
the films of Anthony Mann, At The Mountains of Madness, farts, Pan's Labyrinth,
Ray Harryhausen, the sinister advent of Nutrasweet and - of course - HELLBOY
2.
Signing
off,
HM
....
and so, onto dinner-time chat.
This
is not in any particular order - I'm just jotting it down as I remember it,
and I'll wait until Pegana's PC is working properly again and let him tell
you all about the comic book stuff. I was 'way out of my depth.
Okay
- here we go.
HELLBOY.
*SPOILERS for those who ain't seen it*!!!!!!!!
I
told GdT about some of my favourite bits of the film, one of which was the
subway scene when Hellboy beats the crap out of Sammy, who promptly
gets flattened by the train. I was fascinated by the workings of the Right
Hand of Doom and I mentioned the little wrist-twist HB does before he returns
the kittens. Apparently that was originally intended to have CG added, and
showed HB unwrapping the remnants of Sammael's tongue. But GdT loved the movement
so much he left it the way it was.
GdT
also mentioned why David Hyde Pierce isn't credited with Abe's voice. So,
finally here's the truth. David didn't want ANY credit for a role that he
saw as being Doug Jones', and he sure as hell didn't want to 'rain on Dougie's
parade'. I replied that the lack of crediting has caused a little confusion
amongst film-goers who recognise DHP's voice and think it's him playing Abe
physically, then read Doug's name on the credits.
He
also said what a complete gentleman Doug is - and that he knew how bloody
and scraped Doug was after that scene upside down in the tank, filmed on his
birthday (May 24th, 2003). GdT had played monsters under prosthetics himself,
so was well aware of the discomfort involved.
Guillermo
was also surprised to see how popular Ilsa and Kroenen appeared to be, even
down to the fact that there is porn fic out there about them. That caused
a bit of eyebrow-woggling, I can tell you !!!
In
Ron's commentary he talks about how he struggled to get the shirtless scene
done - GdT had wanted him to play it in a shirt. Well, GdT talked of that
too, and said that Ron remembers a different aspect of the scene. Broom's
death scene was filmed the same day, and then Ron and Selma were to film the
library scene. It had been originally scripted to be done shirtless, but because
of time restrictions it meant that Ron would be doing the scene in a shirt
rather than put on the heavy and time-consuming body prosthetics. Ron said
he didn't mind coming in early to get the scene done shirtless, and just put
a shirt on over the body prosthetics for the death scene. Does that make sense?
Also,
the death scene figures in another couple of stories -
GdT
originally scripted HB to say "I wasn't here" as he cradled Broom's
body, but then he realised that HB was 'verbalising' too much - because in
HB's next scene he's telling Liz about how he wished he could 'change all
this', his hand gesturing at his demonic features (a beautiful scene, by the
way, and so sensitively done by Ron). All the way through the film HB has
been a big, inarticulate lug who can't even look at the girl he loves, and
then he's suddenly verbalising his feelings to all and sundry? So GdT had
the line from the death scene cut.
And
now, the requisite John Hurt story. I hope it's okay to tell this one, and
I hope I get the words right.
GdT
was sitting watching the scene unfold ... Ron falling to his knees, cradling
the limp body of John in his arms, mourning the loss of a father ... and through
the earphones GdT hears a distinct 'bbrrp ... bbrrp'. Yells
"Who the f*** has a cell phone???"
Then
comes John's very distinctive voice.
"I
farted. Twice. He squeezed me too tight and I'm NOT going to apologise, so
there!"
Nicknames.
Selma? Monkeybrain. Rupert? Agent Piles, or, as John kept saying 'There are
things that go bump in the night, Ancient Miles ..."
Jeffrey
Tambor??
#When
the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's Tambore ...#
Next
... Pan's Labyrinth.
HM
As
already reported, HB2 will not have Myers - and I'm sad about that, because
Rupert is so good in the role, but there is a reason for it. The love triangle
had already played out in the first film. They need something else to put
the edge on the film, and this is the introduction of a new agent. 'Nuff said
for now.
The location will be
Europe, but not Prague, as the costs have spiralled over the past year or
two. I suggested Rumania, but GdT said that while the locations etc are terrific,
the crew base is small and a film can be left hanging if more than one project
is on the go at the same time. No reflection AT ALL on the artisans who work
on the films - there are just so few of them.
Kroenen for HB3. Johann
for HB2, and no LJ. I don't expect Roger will EVER make it to film (That's
MY impression, not from GdT). Nothing new here.
Budget - as already hinted
at, probably around $60-70 million.
A
LOT more Abe. That's all I want to say at the moment.
The
script is well in hand, and incidentally, the films are NOT taking Mike [Mignola]
away from doing more HB comics. He's busy re-doing The Island.
At
The Mountains of Madness may come before HB2, and Ron IS in it, playing McTighe
[EDIT - this is incorrect, and your roving reporter should wash her ears
out more often. The character Ron plays is an amalgam of two characters from
the Lovecraft story].
There
is to be a director's cut of MIMIC - still not the film GdT wanted it to be,
but an improvement. He was very voluble about the 'false scares' in MIMIC
as it stands - they drive him nuts, so that will be sorted out. He talked
about the wonderful designs by TyRuben Ellingson of 'Long John', and incidentally
we spoke of the beautiful work done on HB by Spectral Motion on the maquettes,
as I babbled long and loud about the glorious Abe maquette that would - if
I could possibly wangle it by means of blackmail, bribery or plain theft -
grace my office shelf.
Pan's
Labyrinth. GdT is heading back to Spain, and has got himself a wee apartment.
He shifted some of his books there from his home library, so now when he's
home he can put some of the piles he has on the floor onto the shelves!! He
has around 15,000 books, a 'shit-load' of comics, artwork, and the library
in HB is very like his own only his is a lot smaller with no fish-guy in a
tank.
We spent AGES talking
about books, and I am now desperate to go to Prague as GdT says it's the best
place in the world for second-hand-book stores. He loves 'em, and he tries
to really look after his books.
Oh yeah - he really wanted
to go with the Struzan poster.
Next - PAN'S LABYRINTH
for sure.
HM
Anyway,
PAN'S LABYRINTH.
Originally
planned to be set in England in an eerie old house, GdT wasn't happy with
the concept and changed both the setting and the story.
There
is a child and a satyr, and, of course, a labyrinth. It will now be set in
Spain, 1944, and set against the background of the aftermath of the Spanish
Civil War. It is magic woven into reality ... a strange world of beasts and
myth interwoven with a bitter, chilling world given much to violence and hatred,
it is both sensually idyllic and eerily threatening. When Guillermo spoke
of it his face was lost in the wonder of the story, and, I have to admit,
so were we. It is beautiful and dangerous, but I don't want to say any more.
Suffice to say it sounds mesmeric.
I
think he said shooting begins in January, and I can guarantee that with Guillermo
Navarro's astounding photography it will be a gorgeous thing to gaze upon.
HM
Mmmm
... algae.
As we scattered algae
all over our food, the table and our clothes, conversation was hot.
Favourite
films and genres were discussed, and GdT mentioned something that bugged us
too - the need for film-makers to constantly explain who their characters
are. He mentioned Cary Grant's character in Notorious - you KNOW
he's a secret agent, he doesn't need 15 minutes of screen time to explain
why he became one. It's a dumbing down of the medium and it's ANNOYING. It
holds up the pace, and it treats audiences like idiots.
We discussed great movie
makers such as John Ford and my own fave western director Anthony Mann - brilliantly
observed scenes, edgy and spartan, yet wonderfully succinct. We talked about
Blade Runner and Rutger Hauer's famous speech -
"I've seen things
you wouldn't believe - attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion ...
I've seen C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate" ... and
so on. Incidentally, I just had a thought. The scene of HB standing in the
rain watching Broom's funeral. It echoes that very speech - (and I'm paraphrasing
here)
"All these memories
gone forever ... like tears in rain ..."
Oh
yes, Ray Harryhausen. GdT visited him once, here in the UK, and told us about
all of the wonderful models RH still has of all his creations. I said the
dancing Kali from The Golden Voyage of Sinbad was my fave ... GdT
said it was Talos, from Jason and the Argonauts. Neat.
Blade II:
Ron's famous line about
"Well, as my dad said to my mom just before he killed her" ... and
so on. Ron came onto the set that morning and told GdT he'd thought of a line,
but that GdT would probably hate it. All I can say is thank Gawd GdT didn't
because it's a great line.
Regarding Ron:
We
discussed his films and his wonderful talent, especially his outstanding performance
in Name of the Rose. GdT recommended the new French DVD release -
a 2-disker.
And finally, regarding
Nutrasweet. GdT told us it causes short term memory loss. So, there ya go.
Huh????
There
are no pictures, though. By common concensus we decided we would take no pictures
and ask for no autographs. It was just a meal with friends, and although you
guys weren't present, we knew you were there in our hearts. We missed you
all.
There is more to come
regarding the screening the following day, and I'll get to that soon, but
I must say this.
Mr del Toro, you are
a gem, a sweetheart and a truly wonderful and generous human being. You shared
your thoughts and plans with us, laughed with us, hugged us and fed us algae.
I will never be able to look at algae again without thinking of you.
Thank you.
HM
PS - forgot. Thank you
(and your very kind driver) very much for the lift back to our hotel. One
day, when I become rich and famous, I too would like a Mercedes with a TV
in it.
Saturday, August 28th, 2004.
Leicester
Place is just off Leicester Square, and on a Saturday night it is just HEAVING
with young 'uns out on the razzle, enjoying the warm evenings. This time it
was also full of people out to see the newest demon on the block ... HELLBOY.
Amongst
this crowd of FrightFest fans, comic-book nerds and those of the cinema-going
public who were just plain nosey, was a little gaggle of Hellboarders - Pat
(Valaria), Nick (Pegana), Val (Nosferatu), Adam (Shinzon) and me, the ol'
Scottish lady, the Hellmistress.
We
were early - the film didn't start until 9pm, and so we parked our bums on
the wall and watched the world go by. I soon got bored and began accosting
passers-by, demanding to know if they were Hellboy fans. Unsurprisingly, after
being fixed by the glinting, fanatical stare of a portly, middle-aged woman
in a Hellboy teeshirt, most of them were.
Actually,
the feedback I got was very positive - Hellboy was much awaited. We talked
of GdT, Hellboy himself, Mr Ron Perlman, and answered (with patience
and understanding) the perennial question about Abe's voice. Doug
was HIGHLY praised by the one or two that I spoke to that had seen the film,
and, of course, Ron was just BORN to play Big Red. Selma was definitely cute,
and when I mentioned Rupert I got a number of 'Ohhhh, he's so SWEET!'
My
one deviation from the subject was when I spotted a nice-looking gentleman
wearing a DOOM 3 teeshirt, and I fixed him with my basilisk-like glare.
"DOOM
3!" I growled. "What do you know about it????"
He
blinked.
"Ah
... I'm sorry?"
"The
video game - the movie based on it - a friend of mine's in it, and we don't
know anything about it - so tell me what you know!!" I continued, Dougie's
next role very much in mind. The Wehrmacht has nothing on the Hellmistress
when she's got the scent.
"Erm
... nothing really," he replied, somewhat abashed. "It's the only
clean teeshirt I had."
I
sighed.
"Well,
you're no earthly use then, are you?"
He
smiled apologetically.
"Um
... sorry about that."
But
by then I had moved on to fresher prey, talking to a young couple hoping to
get in to see the film by buying a returned ticket.
By
the time we took our seats, the cinema was buzzing with anticipation. The
announcer (the manager?) introduced the director of Hellboy, a gentleman
by the name of Guillermo del Toro, and applause erupted as GdT took to the
stage. He in turn introduced the rest of the guests - Ms Selma Blair, Agent
Myers himself, Rupert Evans, 'the British Guy', and last but by no means least,
Hellboy himself - Mister Ron Perlman. The whole cinema gasped. Ron
ran down the side aisle and mock-tripped on his way up to the stage, instantly
launching into his Jerry Lewis and saying he thought the name of the film
was BELLBOY.
A
few words were said, the film was introduced, and before we knew it we had
launched into the film I had waited over 4 months to see again on the big
screen. For 99% of the audience it was their first ever glimpse of the Big
Red Guy, and I spent most of the film watching the audience reaction.
It
was good. It was VERY good. They laughed in all the right places, the fights
went down a hoot, and you could have heard a pin drop during Broom's death
scene and funeral. Perfect.
By
the time the lights went up, the audience was laughing and chatting, especially
when they caught the little scene with Jeffrey halfway through the credits.
HELLBOY was a hit.
So,
into the Q&A next ...
HM
So,
on with the tale ...
Actually,
the Q&A was, sadly, very short. The reason? It was 11pm, another film
was scheduled to begin at midnight, and everyone had to fit into one hour
questions, pictures, autographs and everything else.
The
first question - and I'll try to remember it in order, but I probably won't.
I feel a nutrasweet moment coming on ...
A
rather noisy and irritating gentleman behind me bullied his way into being
noticed. He asked if the merchandising had been in mind when the film was
being produced and had this been a factor in the creation of the film.
"We
should be so lucky!" answered GdT. Instant hilarity. But he went on to
mention the wonderful merchandise deals done with folks such as Sideshow,
Mezco and so on. The HB merchandise is so bloody classy ...
The
next question made us veterans groan - why was David Hyde Pierce uncredited
as Abe's voice. So, GdT took a deep breath and went through the whole
chestnut again and explained, very firmly and patiently, that David had no
intentions of overshadowing Doug's wonderful performance as Abe,
and hence was uncredited. That shut 'em up.
Ron,
Selma and Rupert were asked why they had done Hellboy - Ron, completely
deadpan, said he only did it for the money. I don't think anyone believed
a word of it. Selma smiled shyly at Guillermo and told us she did it for him
- he had asked her, and she had not hesitated in saying yes. Once Rupert stopped
laughing, he had to agree.
Mr
Noisy behind me whooped and hollered until he was noticed again (and the Hellmistress
was sorely tempted to give him a stern glare), and asked something about comics
- and for the life of me I can't remember what it was.
The
last question brought the house down - Selma was asked who was the better
kisser - Ron or Sarah Michelle Gellar. Ron never twitched a muscle, but Selma
fell about. Once she got herself under control, she said she couldn't really
choose between the two, but Ron wore more lipstick.
There
were some crazy moments, and I remember Rupert being teased about his long
hair, Selma convinced that he had extensions, and there were one or two comments
about condoms and body parts which I won't go into, but it was certainly hilarious.
Afterwards
they brought in tables and the signing commenced. Folks came down in rows.
Time became very short and they limited the celebs to one item each and no
pictures, so Pat and Val were only able to get pics during the Q&A. Never
mind. There were some slight problems with stuff being taken off fans by staff
to be given to the celebs to be signed, and then getting returned to the wrong
people, but in general it worked out pretty well.
Ron
began to sing. Loudly. A true baritone that carried well in the auditorium,
we all listened, entranced ... then we heard a soft hum from the people around
us ...
#Aye,
aye, aye aye ...#
I
took a picture I had had with me in L.A. (Typh's wonderful pic of Ron, GdT
and Doug from the Grand Slam at Pasadena, I think) and Dougie had already
signed it for me in March. I wanted Ron and GdT to sign it for me, and then
I would put it back in its frame and hang it back in my office in the museum.
However - things got a little weird. A few doodles and shrieks of (Selma)
"Ohhh, my picture's not on there - I think I'll draw something!"
to (Rupert) "Well, if THEY can draw something, so can I!", my picture
looked somewhat different. It was all GdT's fault. He started it. Now look
at it .
And
I love it to BITS.
We
wandered out, happy and bewildered, into the night, clutching our programmes
and still trying to absorb the memories.
Well,
that's it guys. Done and dusted. Finished.
Until
the next time - and there WILL be a next time. A little birdie told me. Probably
around 2006 ...
Oh
yeah ... forgot. If you would like to see some pictures of the Question &
Answer session, why not head over to The
Perlman Pages?
HM
Over
and out.
